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This blog-post actually belongs to another blog at blogger but when google acquired blogger I was locked out as I did not use a gmail email address to access my blogspot.  Google has made no attempts to retrofit the situation. I will however pretend that I am working on a continuous blog … if you care to see what I wrote from day 1 to day 578 you might want to check out http://mindless-living.blogspot.com

The basic point I am treating in this blog-post is that I am moving into new professional grounds where I need to make personal changes to be able to accommodate the situation. Old behavioural patterns are at stake here and I am finding all kinds of ways to resist the change. There are also limitations with regards to time and activities that I am dealing with at this time – I have yet to exhaust all potential workable solutions in how I can actually create a life style that is closer aligned with my interests. What is coming next in professional terms challenges me to shed my skin and step out into the world in ways I have never done before. 2017 will the year for me to walk this change.

Self-forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being an entrepreneur is not for me because I am not passionate about entrepreneurship –  I merely see it as a means to an end in my current situation, to ensure that I can make a living for my immediate future but I have no clue about the long-term situation that I am getting myself into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to others who are entrepreneurs and who I perceive to be entrenched and absorbed in the concept of entrepreneurship – I see them dedicating their entire life to create a successful start-up company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought “I used to be like that where I gave up my life for the sake of my work”, and I experience myself in sadness because I believe that I have sacrificed myself and my time, yet the results did not yield the fruits of labor I envisioned for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret for having dedicated my entire life to work, over many years with the “hope” for a result that I imagined instead of assessing if the results I was striving for were based on a realistic achievement potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret about the years that I kept my focus limited on work, when today I look back and believe that I missed out on many other things that I could have done and would have liked to have done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that becoming an entrepreneur recreates a situation of the past where I dedicate my entire life to work and continue to miss out on the things I would like to do – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to give up my entire life to become an entrepreneur because that is what I hear from everyone who started a company.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realised that on the one hand I “sacrificed” myself for work but on the other hand I undermined my potential because I did not change myself in areas necessary for me to manifest the results that I envisioned.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realised that when becoming an entrepreneur other skills are just as important as hard work and that one or the other does not ensure success but only a combination of skills will get me to a successful outcome.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now have a thought “I don’t want to sacrifice my life for work anymore, because I have already done that for too many years” as a reaction to the many years I have spent on my professional development at the expense of other things that I did give up at that time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now realise that I have other interests in life but that I have not set up my life in the most optimal way to accommodate those interests.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have many interests in my life that I want to live now and have created a desire to fulfill them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this desire to feel weighted down by my current life situation which I experience as standing in the way for me to live the life I want to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept this desire to live out my interests, other than the professional ones, where I see that I have created two separate worlds for myself: a mind reality and a physical reality – and where I am not looking at both to see where I can find alignment between both realms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept these interests that I want to live out as is, as real, valid, and authentic without assessing each interest for its reason of being and its feasibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realised that it takes a process to change my life to be in the place that I desire for it to be, and in order to get there I have to apply careful consideration, planning and strategy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of taking the required steps to change my life,  I diminish myself with fear of loss and belief-  where I carry the current situation like a huge burden and undermine my potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as hopeless in how I can live the life I want without sacrificing all my time on creating a company or on creating sufficient income for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have not realised that this shift I have made away from the self-identification with my job is not something I will lose if I am to become an entrepreneur but instead this shift allows me to stand impartial towards the entrepreneurial situation and see things for what they are. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that from this vantage point  I am able to see more and make radical decisions if need be, since I am not invested with the desire to be an entrepreneur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my life as restricted since in my current work situation I am bound to a tight schedule where I feel “as if I have no respite” – and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that all work situations are intrinsically the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have realised that I can still devise ways to counter act the confining elements of the job by trying out different solutions until I have identified one that works for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have moved into a polar opposite in how I relate to my work situation, where for many years I identified with the job as “the who I am” and now where I no longer relate in this manner, I don’t want to take responsibility for what I created professionally but instead I want to put out minimal investments of time and effort because I believe that this will allow me to pursue my other interests that I have been putting on the back burner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as bogged down in the professional situation that I have created because I come from a mind set of resistance that I bring to the situation, and I justify this resistance because I am stuck in my desire to want to live differently and pursue other interests.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drag myself through the days at work because I chose to entertain self-defeating thoughts about my perceptions of the job instead of seeing the opportunities for self-change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself because in my immediate professional future there are some big learning challenges ahead, where I have to let go of long-standing personality patterns that I still want to protect and hold on to as a self-identification.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself with fear where I think and believe that if I were to be an entrepreneur I can no longer conduct any research -I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that even if this were to be true, I can still find ways to re-integrate research activities into my schedule, perhaps not immediately, but at a later stage.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realise that other experiences I will make in the interim are also beneficial for any research I conduct later on and that in the end I am the one who shapes her experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate that in the months to come that I will be even more bogged down by all the work I have as entrepreneur and I use these thoughts to corner myself at this time – and by doing so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misuse “projecting into the future” as destructive tool when I could use it constructively.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hamper my self and stand in my own way by allowing thoughts (as described in the previous statements) to accumulate within me and so creating a troubled, helpless and victimised me, although I am perfectly capable to turn the situation around and create myself from a starting point of self-support and self-correction.

Conclusion:
I recognise that there is a coming shift in my professional life and that I have to make adjustments in how I accommodate this shift with my private and personal life, wants and needs. I realise also that there is a part of me that wants to do a lot of different activities and that there is a misalignment with my current mind set, my time allocation and my nutty-gritty reality.

 

 

 

MarlenLife's Blog

I went to a museum yesterday. I was originally planning on looking only at Ron Mueck’s sculptures, but ended up spending more time looking at two photography exhibitions.  I decided to write about this even though in my mind there are thoughts of ‘Oh you’ve written about this topic several times already,’ but I certainly require to debunk and expose for myself the exact thoughts experienced when looking at photographs. This is then to expose another part of the personality that I created for myself as a ‘sensitive person’ to images that I have defined as ‘art’ and experiencing at times that ‘no one could feel what I could feel’ when looking at an image. This was more prominent in the past and it was also experienced when listening to particular music or reading particular books – in essence when consuming another’s expression.

The ‘Artist’ personality

The memory that comes…

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Angelina Jolie’s double mastectomy is the buzz on the internet today. Some say she’s heroic, other’s are asking how heroic is it when one has the money to buy a network of the finest surgeons. Personally, I see her decision as a common one amongst those who, like her, have the Money to afford such an option.
angelina jolie
The truth is, having both breasts, or any member of one’s physical body removed, would have to be a completely horrifying experience. In my case, removal of both my breasts was suggested, but, having read years of research and cancer statistics, I was surprised to learn that there have been reports of an actual 4% increase in survival rate among those with cancer who went untreated.

We refer to the miracle of preventative medicine instead of pointing out the obvious truth about preventative medicine which is that there is No preventative medicine unless…

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Living Income Now

Screen shot 2015-08-11 at 9.36.52 PM

The Zaatari refugee camp in Jordan is home for 160,000 refugees who have escaped the brutal Syrian civil war. 6,000 people arrive a day (Getty Images)

The number of refugees has dramatically increased over the past three years with almost 60 million people migrated from their homes in 2014 — 40 percent more than in 2011. There exists a false perception that the majority of the immigrants to Europe are economic migrants. But they are not: they flee as desperate asylum seekers, not economic migrants. They flee persecution and human rights abuses.

The main countries of origin are Syria, Eritrea, Somali and Afghanistan while millions are being driven out of the Sudan, Yemen, Iraq, and Lebanon. The Syrian civil war, instigated by the United States and its Arab allies in 2011 has caused more than 3.5 million people over the border with an additional 7.5 million people within Syria having…

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what's stopping you

a cancer patient podcast or something like that

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For Further Context: Day 292: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – How to Stop Emotional Fear Energy – Day 44

My Links For Self-Support:

EQAFE

Desteni I Process

Self & Living

One Answer to Cancer

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Inspired by desteni - a Yogi's Journey to Life

tenseThis eqafe interview about insecurity is awesome, how “not knowing or I don’t know” activates insecurity and within that disempowerment. Parents tend to shout and scream at children when they themselves ‘don’t know’ how to deal with something, in that training the children to respond in like manner later on. I can relate a lot to this interview. I mean many times I have gone into ‘disempowerment.’ and in that making others superior, because I didn’t know the details of the moment/conversation/subject etc. Back in school days, this was even worse because if you didn’t know or couldn’t answer the teachers, you will get beaten up, none of these polite sit down one on one discussion/counseling sessions etc, and similar thing at home as well, where parents have no clue how to deal with you, shouting is the only way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself…

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